Free Agents – Episode 2 – Breakdown and Scoring

“I don’t want Dustin to be with some slut,” – Nany saying the most unintentionally funny line of the season so far.

The episode opens with a costume party to remind us how hot the ladies on this show are, and how much room the veteran guys pack in their suitcase for shenanigans. Bananas is literally dressed like a banana.

OMG - Talking About Flirting While Flirting is So Fun!

OMG – Talking About Flirting While Flirting is So Fun!

Dustin makes out with Jessica, only to then find Emilee in his bed. He’s loving the single life! Him and Emilee may have kissed, but it’s not explicitly shown on camera… but later on Emilee mentions that she made out with Dustin, so points can be awarded. They did, however, flirt to a level Jessica would not like, a level that the girls didn’t like when they busted in on Dustin in Mack Round 2.

Then it’s Challenge time. T.J. informs that for this activity, the competitors will be working in male-female teams of two. Team Captains are chosen from a random Project Runway-style button bag. The team captain picks their partner. After pairs are formed and T.J. explains that the challenge involves driving a car with a manual transmission to a weird two-person facing each other bike thing,  they need to  ride around a course. The pairs that have stick shift drivers celebrate, the others panic.

I love that T.J. informs the group/national audience that they should know how to drive a manual BECAUSE PEOPLE SHOULD! I have a dream of an America where half the cars on the lot are stick-shift because people want to actually do things themselves. Nevertheless, back to the game. Swift doesn’t know how to drive stick.

Drive It

Drive It

In the first heat, Nany and Dustin do better than Swift and Theresa, despite Nany asking Dustin to ride the bike slower, to which he reminds her that, “yeah, it’s not a race or anything.” Nany has no idea how funny she can be.

In the second heat, Frank and Nia finish faster than CT and an incompetent-looking Emilee. In the third heat, Cohutta and Laurel finish before Zach and Aneesa. It’s tough to tell which teams are doing the worst out of the whole pack. Next heat Bananas and Jonna finish before Cara Maria and Johnny from Portland. Then Jasmine and Jordan kill Brandon and Latoya. Camila and Preston beat Isaac and Devyn, probably because Isaac’s attitude is to just not have the worst time. Leroy and Jessica do the run alone, and apparently do pretty well… again, with editing, it’s difficult to tell who is the worst.

Thankfully, we have T.J. to inform us that the worst teams were: Swift and Theresa – “obviously” – CT and Emilee, Cara Maria and Johnny from Portland, and Frank and Nia. They are all going into the draw.

The winning team is Laurel and Cohutta… and it’s Cohutta’s birthday! Party time!!!

So much kissing… see scoring below.

Then CT gets stuck with the bill for no apparent reason. Even though he paid for the bar tab, Camila rips into CT for literally no reason, says things like, “you still live off of your girlfriend’s house.” CT corrects her by informing her that yes, he has his own house. It seems like CT keeps his cool for a while, but then hits a point where he yells at Camila… and Nany who has joined the fight “to defend Camila” – like getting involved with crazy drunk Camila is a good idea.

Camila and Nany then seem to have the world’s least interesting fight about nothing because, again, drunk Camila is not to be interfered with in any way. They almost hit each other so many times that it’s physical fighting points (sure, it’s more attempted physical fighting, but it’s certainly more advanced than verbal fighting). They also both cry because…. it’s like 4am and they’re wasted bitches!

In the morning Camila and Nany are closer friends for being psycho drunk bitches together. Yay friendship!

Laurel and Cohutta decide to let each other choose who they want going in the elimination and they’ll support it. Cohutta strategically puts Dustin in the elimination because Cohutta wants to put a good competitor on the chopping block (wise), while Laurel is concerned about who will hate her for voting them in and puts Jonna in the elimination (weak).

The bottom four males and females look at their possible competition and Swift says he’s confident he can take Dustin (foreshadowing?). Dustin looks very afraid… maybe cause CT and Frank are available to go against him, possibly because he wants to see if he can bang Jessica, which can only happens if he stays.

CT looks like he’s cool with the bar tab when he flips and sees the blank slate of safety. Emilee draws a kill card. Jonna and Emilee are apparently friends, so Jonna is not happy (not that she was happy before). Bad Luck Frank pulls the kill card (he’s 2 for 2).

Jonna, thinking about Laurel with every punch into the punch climbing wall, looks fierce. She also uses her sharp elbows to make holes when her hands start to hurt. Emilee does not do well at all and gets beaten pretty easily.

Frank and Dustin is a much closer battle and Frank wins by a split second. Frank’s 2 for 2! But he does mention something about antibiotics, so it really seems like Uruguay doesn’t like him much… especially since the preview includes Frank on the phone saying, “I can’t control this” and T.J. saying, “there’s a problem in the house.” Seems like something is up…

NOTE: Due to unexpected circumstances, this was posted much later than it should have been. Next week should be back to having all scores and recap up by 5pm Friday. 

 

Scoring for Episode 2 is noted below:

Players Kicked Off (100) Win Final (100), 2nd Place (30), 3rd Place (10) Physical Fighting (25) Coitus (20) T.J. Verbal Disappointment in Quitting (-5) Making T.J. Disappointed in anything else (10 pts) Winning Elimination (25) Male Crying (20) Nudity (10) Winning Regular Challenge (15) T.J.: “You Killed It” (10) Female Crying (5) Open-Mouth Kissing (5) Verbal Fighting (5) Leaving Show B/C Injury (-50) Vomitting (5) Peeing/Pooping (10) Player Weekly Total
CT 5 5
Isaac 0
Chet 0
Preston 0
Frank 25 25
Dustin 10 10
Emilee 5 5
Aneesa 0
Laurel 15 10 5 30
Camila 25 5 5 35
Brandon 0
Jessica 10 5 15
Jordan 5 5
Cara Maria 0
Johnny from Portland 0
LaToya 0
Nany 25 5 5 5 40
Leroy 10 10
Jemmye 0
Devyn 0
Zach 0
Nia 0
Cohutta 15 10 5 30
Theresa 0
Bananas 0
Jasmine 10 10
Jonna 25 25
Swift 0

Best player performance of the episode: Nany (40 points)

 

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