Free Agents – Episode 4 – Breakdown and Scoring

In the recap at the beginning of the episode, a mysterious MTV narrator man says, “pneumonia knocked Frank out of the game” – our ruling has been confirmed by MTV! They did not say “leave” or “kicked off”. Justification felt. Also, we were all wondering what viral disease/infection and now it’s clear that it’s pneumonia. Hooray for answers!

It’s a nice day, so the cast has a pool party. Laurel and Jordan are super flirty and Aneesa is grossed out by it. Someone wants to be invited to a threesome and hasn’t been!

But no, MTV editors hate our game and don’t show Laurel and Jordan hooking up. Thanks for nothing.

For their challenge, the competitors will be playing Bounce Out on a soccer field. In this game, the cast is divided into two teams. Each cast member gets their own bubble zorb thing which they wear over the top half of their body. One player from each team is the ball and has to try to run across the field to the goal to score. First team to get 3 points wins. The losing team will be up for elimination vote and the draw.

The Challengers Get In Orbs to Bounce Out

The Challengers Get In Orbs to Bounce Out

Bananas and Cara Maria are team captains. Last time Cara Maria was a team captain, she did not win. Last time there were teams, which is always, Preston was picked last… and it happens again. Preston is starting to get a little annoyed.

On Team Bananas, Bananas appoints himself the ball for Group A half of the team and Jordan will be the ball for Group B. On Team Cara Maria, Zach will be the ball for Group A and Isaac for Group B because “Isaac is crazy.”

Round 1, Bananas runs around the crowd, bumps Aneesa out of his way and then bumps Cara Maria for good measure before scoring a goal. Camila is pissed and yells at Zach for running “into a trap.” Zach is confused, “are you really yelling at me right now?” But yells back a little because that’s how one communicates with Camila. Verbal fighting points!

Round 2 Isaac is stuck in a sandwich of defenders. Jordan is close to the goal, but not quite in. Someone sends Preston to leave dying Isaac alone and go help Jordan. Then, wouldn’t you know, Preston’s efforts are the icing on the cake and he helps push Jordan in. Moral victory for Preston.

Round 3, Bananas gets stuck and Zach pushes his way through for a goal.

Before Round 4, Isaac mentions that his team has to win and their plan is the same as last time, when Isaac got no where. He’s right and he gets stuck. Team Cara Maria loses. Has Cara Maria even unpacked from last time?

Preston: MVP of Episode 4

Preston: MVP of Episode 4

Back at the house, Preston feels like THE MAN. Meanwhile, Jordan, Laurel, Johnny from Portland and Jessica are chatting about who to vote in. Laurel says to Jessica, “if I say who I’m thinking about voting for, please don’t bring it to the person.” Laurel says Aneesa, essentially cause she’s annoying.

Cut to Jessica, seeking an ally, telling Aneesa that she’s going to get voted in because she’s a tough competitor and people are afraid of her. Aneesa barely agrees to not vote for Jessica if Jessica doesn’t vote for her.

Then Aneesa goes to confront Jordan who, being caught off-guard, tries to pretend he doesn’t know who said what. As soon as Aneesa mentions that Jessica told her, Jordan starts steaming.

Team Bananas meets to talk about who they are voting for… why!? THIS IS FREE AGENTS!

But as a means to provide the feeling of deja vu for those of us who wasted our time watching Real World Portland, Jordan and Jessica get into a verbal fight (I mean, hey, it’s Throw Back Thursday! or #tbt, if you will). It’s not really about anything but ego. Nevertheless, Jessica is pissed Jordan is yelling at her and Bananas uses that fact to add on to his dislike for Jordan.

Finally, it’s voting time!

The winning team starts their voting. CT opens with a throw-the-rookie-in vote for Latoya. Aneesa is not pleased that she’s getting votes and  cries “BS” because she doesn’t like Laurel for trying to play the game and vote in someone who other people are voting in. After an argument that does not escalate into yelling enough for a fight, the voting continues.

Jonna, presumably looking to throw her vote away, says Jasmine. However, Jessica jumps on the Jasmine idea and so does Theresa. Jasmine doesn’t get that Jonna didn’t quite figure out that you have to be far into the vote before you can throw in a throwaway vote without concern. Luckily for Jasmine, Aneesa and Latoya are tied for the most votes.

For the first time this season, there’s a voting tie!

The entire team votes again. Jessica now has to vote her first alliance Latoya or her new alliance Aneesa in. She goes with first friend and votes in Aneesa, who shakes her head. The Jasmine votes go 2-1 to Latoya and rookie life is as it always is.

Guys vote is a variety fun pack with almost everyone being named. Swift votes for his friend Brandon because that’s what the team wants… the team that has 1 vote for Cohutta, 2 for Brandon, 2 for Leroy and 3 for Isaac on the board.  Why Swift didn’t say Cohutta is beyond me (and Brandon). Next Nany throws Zach’s name in late enough that it is a proper throw away vote. Good job, girl! CT gets to choose between Isaac and Brandon and choose Brandon.

Latoya yells at Jordan, who has to yell back just to be heard. I guess Latoya wanted Jordan to tell her that he was voting for him? She’s just mad she’s going in. She and Jessica complain about Jordan. Laurel tries to defend Jordan more because it’s just the game than because they’re hooking up, but whatever. Jessica and Latoya are not hearing it. They’re in Jordan hating mode.

Meanwhile, the guys are civilized. Brandon tells Swift not to be a follower and to, in the future, vote as a… wait for it… free agent. He doesn’t say it that way, but that’s how I heard it.

Down in elimination fire pit, there’s a circular gauntlet thing. It’s run to the bell/over your opponent in the process.

Aneesa goes to the draw first and flips a blank. Isaac goes and flips a blank. Zach is pissed cause he feels Isaac deserves to go in from his poor challenge performance. Remember Zach thought Isaac would be a good ball since Isaac is crazy. Zach then flips the kill card. Brandon looks like he’d have preferred to face Cohutta… or even Leroy.

Cara Maria draws the kill card for the second time in a row. She’s the new Frank. Well, without the pneumonia.

This seems like an easy sports bet, right? Cara Maria over Latoya and Zach over Brandon. But then again, Latoya did beat Jemmye and Brandon did used to play football…

However, Latoya trips running and Cara Maria beats her to the bell. Round 2 has to go to Latoya or she’s out. Latoya is not so confident after her fall. She doesn’t even try to collide with Cara Maria and loses the foot race. Cara Maria wins, Latoya knows she should have tried the physical route.

Zach Beats Brandon in the Elimination Challenge

Zach Beats Brandon in the Elimination Challenge

Brandon tries to stop Zach but is just over-sized and goes down 2-0. In conclusion, the elimination was how we thought it would be.



Scoring for Episode 4 is noted below:

Players Kicked Off (100) Win Final (100), 2nd Place (30), 3rd Place (10) Physical Fighting (25) Coitus (20) T.J. Verbal Disappointment in Quitting (-5) Making T.J. Disappointed in anything else (10 pts) Winning Elimination (25) Male Crying (20) Nudity (10) Winning Regular Challenge (15) T.J.: “You Killed It” (10) Female Crying (5) Open-Mouth Kissing (5) Verbal Fighting (5) Leaving Show B/C Injury (-50) Vomiting (5) Peeing/Pooping (10) Player Weekly Total
CT 15 15
Isaac 0
Chet 0
Preston 15 15
Frank 0
Dustin 0
Emilee 0
Aneesa 0
Laurel 15 15
Camila 5 5
Brandon 0
Jessica 15 5 20
Jordan 15 10 25
Cara Maria 25 25
Johnny from Portland 15 15
LaToya 5 5
Nany 15 15
Leroy 0
Jemmye 0
Devyn 0
Zach 25 5 30
Nia 0
Cohutta 0
Theresa 15 15
Bananas 15 15
Jasmine 0
Jonna 15 15
Swift 15 15


Best player performance of the episode: Zach (30 points)

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