Bloodlines – Episode 1 – Breakdown and Scoring

Fresh Meat with relatives leads to tears… and with all of these young rookies around, a lot of possible hooking up already.

SEASON 27 EP 1

Title: There Will Be Blood

T.J. welcomes in the new season in “the pit” – where this season’s elimination challenges will occur.

Nany notices that T.J. is vague about how the $350,000 will be divided up at the end. This will likely be one of this season’s many twists.

The show cuts from everyone getting to know each other/sizing each other up at the house, and interviews of team introductions. Cory dabs his eyes for male crying in his interview (20 points), and Camila sheds a tear for dragging her little sister into this mess (5 points).

Bananas toasts with what may be treated toilet water, extra dark Hypnotiq, Candice’s hair dye & vodka, or a melted snow cone. It’s unclear what they’re drinking. On Twitter, Bananas called it a “Challenge on the rocks” – which is hilarious, cause there’s clearly not ice.

Leroy toasts to not throwing him into the pit, please. Missed you, too, Leroy.

Some notes from everyone getting drunk at the house… Jenna and Zach are still together. Jenna’s cousin Brianna has hooked up with some of Jenna’s exes… 1) ew, 2) does that include Jay? Jill moved her wedding to be here, and she seems somewhat level-headed, so don’t expect hook up points from her.

But not everyone is loyal. After Christina fails in flirting with Thomas and his twin, Stephen, she ends up chatting with Tony.

If you didn’t watch Skeletons, good for you, it was awful. Tony is a waste of space. He is not interesting at all. His only objective is to hook up with everyone all the time, and if he can have more girls thinking they’re his girlfriend while he does it, all the better.

Tony tells Christina how he’d good it would feel to bang her, and she almost acts like that’s some major compliment or romantic gesture.

Naturally, they end up in the bathroom. The one place the camera crew doesn’t go! MTV production makes a point to indicate that they’re kissing, so we’ll honor that (5 points each). The editors also let us know that the belt is unbuckled and “pants dropped.”

It’s like every season they make it harder to score these episodes. Tony’s denial is comical. But nothing was shown, they could maybe have just made out naked/half dressed, and because only Christina admits it, we can’t count the hook up… even though it probably happened. Tony won’t come clean because he’s about to be father of the century.

Emily cries (5 points), because Christina looks like a slut before they’ve even really unpacked or slept. Oh, these poor family members, they don’t really know what they got themselves into.

In case Tony being a cheater on the first night/morning/day wasn’t enough, he gets into a stupid verbal fight with Larissa and Nicole about how Larissa is short and doesn’t stand a chance, or something that was misunderstood by these drama queens because they just don’t understand Tony’s “sarcasm” – yes, he used that word, even though he meant “terrible attitude”.

Nany gets kind-of involved, but she doesn’t raise her voice., so no points for her. Is she maturing!?

Tony and Shane go inside so that Shane can inform Tony of how stupid he is. They scream at each other. Tony pushes Shane against a wall, destroying an unfortunately located decorative plates. Shane and Tony throw punches at each other, but none seem to land.

Camila cries again (5 more points) about how she dragged her sister into this evil world and maybe that was a bad idea.

Production and cast members break up the Tony/Shane fight and they calm down a little, before the least sincere, quickie apology of, “my bad on that.” This team is a mess and will be thrown into an elimination round as soon as possible.

At the Challenge, T.J. reminds the cast members that recreational violence is not okay. For a brief moment, it seems like Tony and Shane are about to get kicked off for 100 points each, but they are let off with a warning.

The Challenge is called Water Battle. The goal is to climb up a dirt hill to a hose with a bucket, fill up the bucket and then go down the hill to fill your team’s barrel with as much water as possible in 10 minutes. The girls have one heat and the boys another, so the girls won’t get crushed.

Though the rules aren’t explained in detail, they seemingly can only use the front of the hill (which turns to mud pretty quickly) and can’t just throw the other players out of their way.

It seems as though there is only one bucket per team, though. That’s an advantage for the male/female teams.

Nany and Nicole do terribly, as do Jenna and Brianna. Candice makes it tough for Leroy, as she only gets a bucket or two in before she’s too gassed to make it back up a hill. Cara Maria and Jill do really well.

The guys go, and Team Bananas is dominating. In order to insure their safety, KellyAnne and Cara Maria instruct their male cousins to load into Cohutta’s bucket, since he’s too nice to throw them in if they help him win.

This is terrific thinking, except that it’s the first challenge. There are rookies to pick off, no one is going after you yet. Nevertheless, it’s interesting to see KellyAnne and Cara Maria use strategic thinking, to Bananas’ chagrin.

The most successful team at the challenge based on individual effort: Vince and Bananas

Jill and Cohutta win (15 points each). Jenna and Brianna lose.

Cohutta and Jill then have the pressure of choosing who goes into the pit against Jenna and Brianna. The team has to have a female, as it’s a female elimination. Pressure gone! Christina and Emily are females and rookies. MTV edits Jill and Cohutta’s conversation to make it seem like they’ll maybe go with Leroy and Candice, but they obviously pick the rookies.

Rookies Emily and Christina

Interesting note from their deliberation: Cohutta sees value in keeping Jenna and Brianna around, because they are so beatable. We’ll see if Jenna can hang around too long like last season, or if her luck will run out, but she’s clearly still viewed as a layup.

Before the pit, a night at the club! Cory and Aneesa flirt, Mitch and Rianna flirt (potential for double family hook up points!), KellyAnne and Dario flirt.

Vince says that Cory and Nany slept together. I don’t even care. This house seems to be able to produce enough real drama that high school rumor drama is not needed. It’s a dumb fight, but Vince and Cory get into a verbal fight about this (10 points each) nonetheless.

Nany is sick of being portrayed as a whore, Nicole cries (5 points).

Candice pukes on the bus ride back to the house (5 points).

KellyAnne and Dario get into bed together and make out (5 points each). Cory gets in bed ontop of Aneesa and they make out (5 points each). Maybe these pairs do more, but it’s not clear enough to award points (no sheets really up, moaning, acknowledgement in interview later, or more clothes off). Please direct all complaints to MTV’s production team. They do not care enough about scoring for the fantasy league!

NOTE: If next week both of the participants of those pairs admit to hooking up/more than making out, points may be awarded. 

Mitch and Rianna have their own cute awkward flirting in bed that yield to making out (5 points each).

Since Mitch and Cory are bloodlines and so are Rianna and Aneesa, that’s double family hook up points! (15 points each)

Holy hook-ups, Batman! Young rookies = tons of hormones.

At the pit, each team picks one person to compete. Jenna goes against Christina. Jenna comes back from behind to win. Since the graphic on the screen declares Jenna/Brianna to be winners, they both get the 25 points.

Too bad, rookies. Emily cries again (5 points).

T.J. tells Jenna she killed it (1o points).

360 total points this episode. That’s a lot. This looks like it’s going to be quite the season.

We’ll find out next week if there’s another Battle of the Ex-iled-type losers bracket, if not, that category will be dropped off our points tracker.

Total points for the episode are shown below:

Episode 1 Scores

A link to the excel file is here: Bloodlines – Ep1 Scores

Best player performances of the episode: Tony and Cory ( 50 points)

Worst player performances of the episode: Cara Maria, Jamie, Anthony, Bananas, Thomas, Stephen, Leroy, Nany, Raphy and Abram and Michael, who aren’t even in it yet. (0 points each)